For the LGBTQIA+ series, I really wanted to touch on the personal stories of what it means to be gay in the world today and how that intersects with how one travels while being gay. My second interview was with Eli Wood, an old friend from PA who is now residing on the west coast. He’s a single, gay, cisgender male actor in San Diego, California and was a former member of the Navy. I had so much fun catching up with him, especially with him living across the country now!

So glad to hear from you!

Same to you! This topic is super interesting to me.

Wonderful! Let’s get started then. What was it like coming out? How were you received?

Coming out is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, but it’s simultaneously such a healing and exciting thing. After living my entire life feeling like I had to hide a huge part of who I was, it’s such a weight lifted off to finally say “This is me in my entirety. You can either accept that or leave.” I was received almost entirely with such love and positivity. Some conversations were more difficult than others. For example, coming out to family was much harder than coming out to friends for me.

How is that different from how you’re received now in your current community?

I’ve received so much love and support in my coming out process, especially from my current community. The people around me in my life right now love me for me, fully and unconditionally.

I’m so happy that your journey has grown in a positive direction. You were what us young teens would consider to be a heartthrob in our school because you were attractive and could sing! So, I’m sure a lot of women—me, included—were saddened by the news! But all jokes aside, I really am glad you feel like you can truly be yourself now. Alright, my next question is how important is your sexual/gender identity to you, and how does that affect how you travel?

My sexuality is definitely a huge part of who I am, but I would argue it’s no more important than a straight person’s sexuality is to them. The big difference, however, is that—living as a sexual or gender minority—the disparity between you and those of the majority is grossly apparent. So while my sexuality is no more important to me than a straight man’s, the difference comes from how others receive or react to that sexuality. With traveling, for example, one thing a straight person won’t have to think about is “Does where I’m traveling view homosexuality as illegal? Will I be in danger there? How important would hiding my sexuality be to ensure my safe and equitable treatment?” Sexual and gender majority individuals are fortunate to not have to consider these types of questions, but they are things I definitely need to consider when traveling and sometimes even to an extent in day-to-day life.

I totally agree, and I love how you’re shedding light on what it’s like being straight in comparison to gay. You had to hide yourself for so long, pretending to be straight, that I think it definitely gives you an equal perspective of both. Have you ever been judged about your identity?

I’m actually really fortunate that I haven’t been in a situation where I’ve faced serious harassment or derision for my sexuality. I’ve had friends who were physically assaulted by Uber drivers, others who have been confronted with horrific verbal assaults, and everything in between. The worst I’ve faced personally is probably hearing someone make an off-color comment or joke, not at me, but within earshot; so I definitely count myself lucky in that regard.

It’s something most people don’t ever have to think about from day to day. Safety is always in limbo for minorities, especially for people who are gay. Along that line, have you had to change yourself in order to travel?

I don’t think I’ve ever consciously decided to change myself in order to travel, but growing up your entire life code switching personalities—as almost all LGBTQ+ people do—that practice bleeds into adulthood for sure. 

I totally get that.

So, while I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it, I’m sure that when I travel, I’m subconsciously aware of myself and how I’m acting compared to my surroundings while I feel out the safety of the situation.

Which I’m sure is incredibly exhausting! I know that I’m always tired after being out on vacations and things because, without realizing it, I have to be “on” and alert 24/7 due to my race, gender, and sexuality. We’re into the fun part of the interview now! What’s a local establishment or vacation destination that is your safe space as a gay man?

I’m lucky to live in a really accepting city like San Diego, so there aren’t many places here that I wouldn’t feel safe. Places that make their support of the LGBTQ+ community very apparent would be beacons of safety for sure, but I’m not sure if I have any specific safe space locations I go to regularly. Anywhere in Hillcrest is safe. It’s San Diego’s gay-borhood!

Ha! I love that. So, to close out the interview, I’m giving space to queer voices by letting them tell the world anything they think the world should know about the LGBTQIA+ community.

This is something I feel like should be more obvious, but none of us are indoctrinating anyone’s children. I promise. We aren’t dangerous or broken-needing-to-be-fixed. We simply want to exist and be confident of our safety and security, while creating safe spaces for others growing up to discuss and learn about their sexuality/gender. I’ve known I was gay since I was 5. No amount of “indoctrination” would have changed that one way another. Also, another thing I wish more people realized… the lived LGBTQ+ experience is unique to every individual. Not all queer people are the same! Understanding and appreciating the diversity of individuals and lives within the LGBTQ+ community is something I wish more people did.

Traveling while gay but don’t know the rules of the country? The ILGA has a multitude of resources to help you be in the know about gay rights around the world.