For the LGBTQIA+ series, I really wanted to touch on the personal stories of what it means to be gay in the world today and how that intersects with how one travels while being gay. My third interview was with Jay Mitkos. He has lived his whole life in Toronto, Ontario in Canada. A regional business manager for Canada Post, Jay studied Business in school and has always worked retail. He’s a gay man who has been partnered since June of 2022. I had a good time learning about the Canadian gay climate. He also shared spectacular photos of Toronto Pride that I’ve added throughout our interview!
Hello, Jay! Thank you for taking the time to talk with me. I wanted to highlight what it’s like to travel while being gay. So, my first question is what was it like coming out and how were you received?
For me, it was actually easy. I mean, I don’t think it was any surprise to my friends or family that I was gay. I think I have a very feminine personality. It’s not like I was this macho jock. I grew up loving Madonna and watching Wizard of Oz. It was easy to come out to friends and family. I didn’t feel the need to in school. In adult life, I didn’t want to hide because I had a loving boyfriend who I didn’t want to just introduce as a friend. My brother was gay, and my aunt is gay; so I had a very supportive, forward-thinking family. They made it safe for me to come out without fear of backlash.
Gay is not a choice; it’s genetic. For as long as I can remember, I remember watching TV shows and having crushes on male characters. I remember having a crush on a classmate. Mark Jackson! So, I always knew I was different.
That’s lovely to hear, that you’ve had such a supportive upbringing. Does that differ at all from how you’re treated today in your current community?
I’m very fortunate in that my job celebrates diversity for all cultures and religions here in Canada. Canada Post takes pride in nurturing diversity; for example, they sent communications for “save the date” for gay pride. I’ve been in this job for a year, but sexuality doesn’t define me in my role. It doesn’t have a part in what I do, but I feel comfortable talking about my boyfriend and my sexuality. “Keep wellness in mind” is a company value. Under that umbrella, they have many programs to support their workers. I’m lucky that my company stands behind me and practices what they preach.
Is there a gay community here? Absolutely. Are there communities that could be not as supportive? I’m sure it’s very possible. I never really saw a difference in culture between Canada and the U.S. growing up; but as an adult, I can see differences. I feel fortunate to be in Canada. As far as nationally, we don’t see a lot of hate crimes to the gay community up until recently with these debates from the U.S. We had protesters in front of a drag brunch on a Sunday! My village was always a place that was safe for people. In the past, crimes have occurred in the city. But you never see that in the village. So now it’s scary to see that influence come from America and trickle into Canada. For the most part though, our government unitedly stands behind gay rights. Thankfully, that infrastructure hasn’t begun to crack.
I’m glad you’re shedding light on this difference. You’re the only person not residing in the U.S. that I was able to get an interview with, and I’m glad you’re discussing this difference between Americans and their northern neighbors. Not a lot of people are educated about that here. Thank you for sharing that with us. How important is your sexual/gender identity to you, and how does it affect how you travel?
I’m Jason Mitkos, and I’m a male. I happen to be gay, but gay doesn’t define who I am. When I travel, I am just like any other person—straight, gay, bisexual. I never feel like I should be treated differently. I don’t feel like I need to identify as gay just to identify it. I definitely wouldn’t hide it, but I don’t walk around with a pride flag on my back.
Traveling, though, I will not travel to the United States with what’s been happening, along with other places that don’t support it. There’s a difference between just having an opinion and threatening someone’s safety. It’s scary to see some of the stuff coming from the United States. I didn’t think there was a difference, but there definitely is.
I can only imagine! As a person of color, I understand the feelings of constant fear that come with being different. Going off that, have you been judged about your identity before? Where were you?
I’m sure I’m probably judged all the time behind closed doors, but I truly, honestly have nothing major come to mind. I feel like I’ve grown up pretty privileged where I wasn’t exposed to violence to my face. Was I possibly passed over for jobs because of it? Maybe, but I am not aware of it at all.
That’s good at least! It’s always nice to hear the good stories at times. Have you ever had to change yourself in order to travel? It’s a bit of a repeat question.
Every year, my ex-partner and I would go to Disney World. I don’t think I’d do that again anytime soon with the current state of affairs. How people are being treated definitely affects how I travel now. When I travel there are no displays of affection. I’m a little more conservative and preppy in the way I dress. Definitely nothing provocative. I’m extremely aware at all times. I research places before I go to see if there is a safe space I could go to and enjoy myself as a gay man. Like for straight couples, when you wanna hold hands walking in Disney World, you can do that without thinking twice; you just can’t do that when you’re gay.
When traveling, I used to be afraid of someone calling me a slur; now I’m afraid of someone pulling out a gun.
The climate has definitely changed in the world, especially with the increase of firearms to settle differences. Well, that is the end of our sad and serious stuff. On to the fun topics! So, tell me. What’s a local establishment or vacation destination that is your safe space?
Woody’s and SAILOR. It’s a bar; they play music, have drag shows, do bingo. They have a bunch of events. In the American version of Queer as Folk, they used to show the outside of the bar on it. It’s a fun place to go. There’s Crews & Tangos. Another fun place to dance. They have drag shows there, too, and different types of music. And there’s also Black Eagle, which is a fetish bar. They have regular dance nights and a really great dance floor. The DJs are great, too. It’s a great way to welcome all different tastes within the LGBT community. They have a dark room on the top floor for “fun.”
That’s so cool! I never knew that fetish bars existed nor that there were levels!
Yeah. Most of the pubs I grew up with in Toronto were multi-levelled. We had The Barn, and it catered to everyone. You could chill and play pool on the lower floor, and the middle floor was for dancing.
That’s really neat! Alright, so to close out, I’ve been letting my interviewees say whatever they feel the world needs to hear about the LGBTQIA+ community. So what’s something we all should know?
That’s such a loaded question.
I know!
What they need to know is that we are somebody’s son or daughter or brother or sister or someone’s friend. We contribute to society in a positive manner. Yet for years, we have been attacked for who we choose to love. And for some reason, being gay is still feared after all these years. People want to make us go away, but we’re not going away. I feel like The Handmaid’s Tale is coming to life. At the end of the day, we are human. We love. We feel.
We just want the same rights as any person has.
Traveling while gay but don’t know the rules of the country? The ILGA has a multitude of resources to help you be in the know about gay rights around the world.
